Choose Guilt, she said. It seemed odd advice… but I get it now.

I was having coffee with a friend yesterday who quoted Gabor Maté from his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Close Encounters with Addiction. On page 378 the author quotes a therapist: “When it comes to a choice between feeling guilt or resentment, choose the guilt every time.” Maté then adds, “It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If refusal to take on responsibility for another person’s behaviours burdens you with guilt, while consenting to it leaves you eaten by resentment, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide.”

I was perplexed at first. I thought, “If I’m feeling resentful, how can I change that to guilt,” and then the penny dropped. If I’m about to do something that will result in my feeling resentful, the advice is not to do it even if the result is feeling guilty.