Archive for ‘Relationships’

May 14, 2015

Choose Guilt, she said. It seemed odd advice… but I get it now.

I was having coffee with a friend yesterday who quoted Gabor Maté from his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Close Encounters with Addiction. On page 378 the author quotes a therapist: “When it comes to a choice between feeling guilt or resentment, choose the guilt every time.” Maté then adds, “It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If refusal to take on responsibility for another person’s behaviours burdens you with guilt, while consenting to it leaves you eaten by resentment, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide.”

I was perplexed at first. I thought, “If I’m feeling resentful, how can I change that to guilt,” and then the penny dropped. If I’m about to do something that will result in my feeling resentful, the advice is not to do it even if the result is feeling guilty.


May 10, 2015

Virtues Project cards help give me focus to my day

I’ve been doing an online “Virtues Pick” for a couple of weeks now.  I can of course practise the other 51 virtues, but I find it helpful as I go through my day, to know that the virtue of the day is Resilience, for instance.  Here’s a photo of all of the cards.

Not sure if they can be purchased locally – I’ve sent a note to Banyen books to see if they have them in stock.

December 18, 2014

First Date at Coffee Shop?

I’m listening to two people in probably late 20’s about 12’from me (that would be 4 metres).

There’s been something about their conversation that’s pulled me in. Now I think it’s their first date. They’re sharing about their family history, where their grandparents came from. And they seem more than usually interested – or trying to appear interested.

It’s been going on for a while.

I think they like each other.

I hope they’ll start discussing movies they like soon and then agree to go to one together.

‘Tis the season.  Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.


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